Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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