Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
