nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
