and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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