I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
