fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
