When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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