hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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