At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
