He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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