If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
