Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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