p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
