i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
