Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
