I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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