I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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