Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize