I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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