I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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