i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
