; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
