can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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