I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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