She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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