if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who died my cat blue again?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize