omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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