He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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