yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
