its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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