you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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