I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
