She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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