Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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