He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
soo... how was my night?
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