There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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