You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
