Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
