I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
