I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
