I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
