my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
