I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Shame - the story of my life.
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