plz talk dirty to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
