fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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