hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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