I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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