I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
