Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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