IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
