Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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