respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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