I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
