i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
