After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
