She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
