My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
