I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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