you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
