3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
