Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
