you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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