Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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