this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
