she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
