How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize