I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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