We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
try to milk me bitch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
