If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
