i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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