CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
