oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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