Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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