"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
