My friends, they love my intelligence
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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