I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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