i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
