Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
