she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize