In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
